I’ve always believed that if you want something badly, life does offer you second chances. But there are times when even life seems helpless. was reading this novelette Snow Angels by Barbara W Klasser, (don’t know why I mention her name….i guess it just adds a degree of authenticity to an otherwise fictitious story) in which the protagonist Tess loses her family just when she was planning a much needed sabbatical from work and her current lifestyle to get a grip on life as she put it.
Just the she gets a call form the sheriff of the county where her parents lived, her father mother and 17 year old brother all dead in a road crash. Their lives mercilessly snuffed out.
Just made me think suddenly about the enormity of the choices we make be they about our career or love or families. Sometimes we don’t have the luxury of a replay like in the movies and have to live with the choices we make. Our bounteous patience and grit comes to our rescue to help us live with the situation, but we can never say that we are happy.
I have yet to meet a perfectly happy person. Someone who is totally satisfied with the way his or her life has turned out. All I see are compromises all around me. Strange now that I look back and see I too have made many mistakes and although life hasn’t stopped for me it hasn’t moved on too (if you know what I mean).you only move on in life when you have something special to look forward to. I might be sounding like a chronic depression case, but that’s not the truth. I have a generally cheerful disposition, but a funny face often hides tears behind all the mirth. so did tess… I can understand her misery, her numbness at the enormity of the situation she has no control over.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
CONFUSION
I am so beginning to believe that we sometimes are a product of not only our environment and our genes but sometimes the environment which we may have lived in sometime and long forgotten it. Yes I am talking about rebirth. to be honest with you guys I never really believed in this concept and like a devout Christian always believed in the after life……a life after death or heaven and earth and us being a part of eternity united in the body and blood of Jesus.
I still do but I also find it difficult to find explanations for affiliations and feelings like deja - vu’s which I have never before had or maybe had but never really realized or recognized.
This might sound weird coming form a sane adult female who is educated and lives in the present times. But it’s for sure there is something that ticks me off………sometimes a particular smell….and environment or maybe just a food. It’s like my old rusty memory kicks in and I feel like I have done this almost a zillion times …and to be honest takes away the novelty of the act. I suddenly feel at ease in situations I have never been before or never known how to handle. But here I am reveling in such a situation with not a clue of how it is going to turn out.
Maybe, I’m just a nut case. But that’s all the explanation I have for this and probably an argument that even nut cases have saner moments.
There is another part too. The sense of belonging I was endowed with as being born and part of a family is long gone. Strange I just realized this and have seen over a few years that I have no home except one …strange place I’ve never been. It’s simple really if you look at it, there is a home inside each one of us which we go to and which only we can trust. Some place which is my own and one which no one can break into and breech. A place of my own at last, so close and I never realized it that I had it.
But loneliness is a killer especially when you taste it. And the loneliness without your own sanctum is the mother of them all. So go and find that sacred inner sanctum virgin as no beech in this world can be……clean and pristine……….your own private beech in the island of life: D its holiday time folks…find your favorite destination.
I still do but I also find it difficult to find explanations for affiliations and feelings like deja - vu’s which I have never before had or maybe had but never really realized or recognized.
This might sound weird coming form a sane adult female who is educated and lives in the present times. But it’s for sure there is something that ticks me off………sometimes a particular smell….and environment or maybe just a food. It’s like my old rusty memory kicks in and I feel like I have done this almost a zillion times …and to be honest takes away the novelty of the act. I suddenly feel at ease in situations I have never been before or never known how to handle. But here I am reveling in such a situation with not a clue of how it is going to turn out.
Maybe, I’m just a nut case. But that’s all the explanation I have for this and probably an argument that even nut cases have saner moments.
There is another part too. The sense of belonging I was endowed with as being born and part of a family is long gone. Strange I just realized this and have seen over a few years that I have no home except one …strange place I’ve never been. It’s simple really if you look at it, there is a home inside each one of us which we go to and which only we can trust. Some place which is my own and one which no one can break into and breech. A place of my own at last, so close and I never realized it that I had it.
But loneliness is a killer especially when you taste it. And the loneliness without your own sanctum is the mother of them all. So go and find that sacred inner sanctum virgin as no beech in this world can be……clean and pristine……….your own private beech in the island of life: D its holiday time folks…find your favorite destination.
SERVILE INDEPENDENCE
Who is responsible?
Life is sometimes a sacrifice and one has to live it at all times for others. Strange I thought society came into being because man couldn’t exist alone on his own. Now the society like a parasite has got man entrapped as its host. Gradually it sucks his life blood, his independence and his identity dry till there is nothing but a worthless shell left. His spirit crushed under rules and regulations. Discipline they call it, culture they call it, traditions and legacy……do we really have a legacy? We are no different from the rats who followed the pied piper to their doom. A few self righteous, cultured people set examples for spineless mortals with no originality who feels the need to cling to something and pretend that it’s original and not something followed by hundreds of such like people.
Or is it a legacy of slavery? A slavery born out of what few ‘wise’ people thought to be right for men. Sometimes I feel that man was originally better off free alone and with a will of his own, even if it meant that he had poor standards of living…and lived his life like a pauper…vagabond…scavenger WHATEVER!...AT LEAST HE LIVED IT TO THE FULLEST AND FREE IN SPIRIT.
Now he is left shackled in nothing but a will to support his family and friends, a will to do what is considered right off him. Religion too is a manifestation of what society deemed as the right conduct to be followed. This was originally meant to chanelise the untamed violent nature of man, but turned out that it changed his very essence. Where we had originality and independence, now we have servile docility and dependency.
My question to you is who has the right to decide what is right and what is wrong. No human is so evolved that he can take the right to decide the fate of his other fellowmen. The choice of our way of living should rest with us, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t live responsibly. Just as the onus of our actions rests on our shoulders, the onus of the consequences rests there too. And in taking decisions a truly evolved human being will not do anything that will jeopardize the balance of someone else’s life…just our own. Responsibility sometimes takes out the spectacular out of lives…for example many things considered deleterious for humans like smoking etc would be original choice…
However this situation wouldn’t arise with freedom of action and thought. Everyone is responsible for his own action; we just don’t follow people into the well just because they are doing it and because it’s the ‘happening’ thing to do. we do things based on our own judgment of whether it suits me and is right for me. Let the decision be left to the individual. Children should be allowed the freedom to exercise their intellect once they are old enough to take decisions for themselves. This is one thing I like about the western world. They allow the freedom of choice. If I have a kid and he wants to smoke then he should be mature enough to take the consequences thereof. I can only help him evaluate his choices. If he hence decides to go and start smoking, the onus of the decision should rest on his shoulders because the decision is his and not mine. similarly I should not be quoted as an example of poor parenting, because I believe parents help the children to grow up and mature decision making is a part of growing up…not making the kid lead a plastic life closed up in a compartment called “parental guidance” where he doesn’t learn the meaning of real-time decision making because he has never learnt how to make them and take responsibility for the consequences.
I always advocated the naturalist way of learning. Let his fall and learn the pain that comes from falling. Let him touch fire and know that it can burn. Learning through others mistakes as people call it isn’t really learning. as for me I would be obviously there to pick up the pieces as people would say. that is the most difficult part of parenting. Give all the inputs possible and watch them make a mess of their lives help them gather strength back to start all over again, so that they may learn to make mistakes, correct them and make them no more. That is what I envisage. That is my dream for a world governed by free will.
Life is sometimes a sacrifice and one has to live it at all times for others. Strange I thought society came into being because man couldn’t exist alone on his own. Now the society like a parasite has got man entrapped as its host. Gradually it sucks his life blood, his independence and his identity dry till there is nothing but a worthless shell left. His spirit crushed under rules and regulations. Discipline they call it, culture they call it, traditions and legacy……do we really have a legacy? We are no different from the rats who followed the pied piper to their doom. A few self righteous, cultured people set examples for spineless mortals with no originality who feels the need to cling to something and pretend that it’s original and not something followed by hundreds of such like people.
Or is it a legacy of slavery? A slavery born out of what few ‘wise’ people thought to be right for men. Sometimes I feel that man was originally better off free alone and with a will of his own, even if it meant that he had poor standards of living…and lived his life like a pauper…vagabond…scavenger WHATEVER!...AT LEAST HE LIVED IT TO THE FULLEST AND FREE IN SPIRIT.
Now he is left shackled in nothing but a will to support his family and friends, a will to do what is considered right off him. Religion too is a manifestation of what society deemed as the right conduct to be followed. This was originally meant to chanelise the untamed violent nature of man, but turned out that it changed his very essence. Where we had originality and independence, now we have servile docility and dependency.
My question to you is who has the right to decide what is right and what is wrong. No human is so evolved that he can take the right to decide the fate of his other fellowmen. The choice of our way of living should rest with us, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t live responsibly. Just as the onus of our actions rests on our shoulders, the onus of the consequences rests there too. And in taking decisions a truly evolved human being will not do anything that will jeopardize the balance of someone else’s life…just our own. Responsibility sometimes takes out the spectacular out of lives…for example many things considered deleterious for humans like smoking etc would be original choice…
However this situation wouldn’t arise with freedom of action and thought. Everyone is responsible for his own action; we just don’t follow people into the well just because they are doing it and because it’s the ‘happening’ thing to do. we do things based on our own judgment of whether it suits me and is right for me. Let the decision be left to the individual. Children should be allowed the freedom to exercise their intellect once they are old enough to take decisions for themselves. This is one thing I like about the western world. They allow the freedom of choice. If I have a kid and he wants to smoke then he should be mature enough to take the consequences thereof. I can only help him evaluate his choices. If he hence decides to go and start smoking, the onus of the decision should rest on his shoulders because the decision is his and not mine. similarly I should not be quoted as an example of poor parenting, because I believe parents help the children to grow up and mature decision making is a part of growing up…not making the kid lead a plastic life closed up in a compartment called “parental guidance” where he doesn’t learn the meaning of real-time decision making because he has never learnt how to make them and take responsibility for the consequences.
I always advocated the naturalist way of learning. Let his fall and learn the pain that comes from falling. Let him touch fire and know that it can burn. Learning through others mistakes as people call it isn’t really learning. as for me I would be obviously there to pick up the pieces as people would say. that is the most difficult part of parenting. Give all the inputs possible and watch them make a mess of their lives help them gather strength back to start all over again, so that they may learn to make mistakes, correct them and make them no more. That is what I envisage. That is my dream for a world governed by free will.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
EVOLUTION....OR REVOLUTION IN THE SAME SPOT??
There is a question I ask myself over and over…… are we mere puppets in the big pictures……small cogs essential to the working of the big machine but totally insignificant on their own. Today I was just watching a pair of geckos in my private jungle (my garden…back home…Dad pretends it’s the safari or sometimes at its worst it resembles something like the equatorial forests….)…life is so simple for them and yet in the raw its not so easy. Man’s intellect and his superior skills have equipped him over generations of evolution to deal with the eternal question of survival.
It is said that the brain of a shark is as small as a pea. So its powers or recognition aren’t that great which accounts for the number of attacks. a poor hapless creature turned into a jaw snapping monster overnight. A perfectly normal action of feeding itself turned into a vicious streak. Similarly the wolf…maligned and bludgeoned into near extinction, just because we happen to encroach onto its territory and make scare its supplies of natural food (game).no wonder the poor hapless creature will look to hunting more accessible food like livestock or perhaps sometimes humans.
The question is are we actually so evolved that we can control the existence or non existence of species or are we just manipulated into being the promoters of change? The drives we have are just as common as that of the gecko I saw in the garden.living, feeding, mating, breeding…protecting the specie etc.each species tries its best to ensure the continuity of its species. Just like the lioness protects her cubs…and eliminates the hyenas before they can harm her offspring, so do we protect our children against all harm that may befall them. Both these instincts are mapped in the genes…programmed into our very own cells…something we cannot but feel.
What happened to free will? If motherhood and all the feelings that are associated with it are a part of our gene make up where do we get our individuality from? Or are we actually individual in the major activities that are such an important part of our lives. What we call the development of our intellect and mind and “soul” might just be aberrations in the makeup of humans, the result of continuous evolution and maybe a gradual refinement of the human mind which is still not complete or perfect. Have we ever considered those terms like innovation, creativity etc are just fancy words to cover an unstable state of the human mind undergoing continuous evolution?
And if it’s all the game of genetics and evolution…much as I would like to curse Darwin, I can’t help but think that we aren’t much different from other species…and our special status of being the most “evolved” is but hog wash. We are still at the mercies of our genetic code. And shall do all that it tells us…unless of course till we break the code…but then breaking the code will be yet another genetic disequilibria that glorified can be called "evolution".
confused??? yeah so i am ....i guess my genetic code cannot take this kind of convoluted processing of the mind........
It is said that the brain of a shark is as small as a pea. So its powers or recognition aren’t that great which accounts for the number of attacks. a poor hapless creature turned into a jaw snapping monster overnight. A perfectly normal action of feeding itself turned into a vicious streak. Similarly the wolf…maligned and bludgeoned into near extinction, just because we happen to encroach onto its territory and make scare its supplies of natural food (game).no wonder the poor hapless creature will look to hunting more accessible food like livestock or perhaps sometimes humans.
The question is are we actually so evolved that we can control the existence or non existence of species or are we just manipulated into being the promoters of change? The drives we have are just as common as that of the gecko I saw in the garden.living, feeding, mating, breeding…protecting the specie etc.each species tries its best to ensure the continuity of its species. Just like the lioness protects her cubs…and eliminates the hyenas before they can harm her offspring, so do we protect our children against all harm that may befall them. Both these instincts are mapped in the genes…programmed into our very own cells…something we cannot but feel.
What happened to free will? If motherhood and all the feelings that are associated with it are a part of our gene make up where do we get our individuality from? Or are we actually individual in the major activities that are such an important part of our lives. What we call the development of our intellect and mind and “soul” might just be aberrations in the makeup of humans, the result of continuous evolution and maybe a gradual refinement of the human mind which is still not complete or perfect. Have we ever considered those terms like innovation, creativity etc are just fancy words to cover an unstable state of the human mind undergoing continuous evolution?
And if it’s all the game of genetics and evolution…much as I would like to curse Darwin, I can’t help but think that we aren’t much different from other species…and our special status of being the most “evolved” is but hog wash. We are still at the mercies of our genetic code. And shall do all that it tells us…unless of course till we break the code…but then breaking the code will be yet another genetic disequilibria that glorified can be called "evolution".
confused??? yeah so i am ....i guess my genetic code cannot take this kind of convoluted processing of the mind........
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
just junked thoughts
dont know why but sometimes the futility of it all just strikes you wham! in the middle of the eyes.....and you are left stripped and torn to wonder why you actually ever thought that this could work.i guess am plainly revelling in a extra high dose of morbidity and riding high on that wave.
maybe ....maybe just one day i will have all the answers and....for the first time not look so blank when i see myself in the mirror.
MAYBE.....MAYBE....SOMEDAY.......:)
maybe ....maybe just one day i will have all the answers and....for the first time not look so blank when i see myself in the mirror.
MAYBE.....MAYBE....SOMEDAY.......:)
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